Erin’s Womanifesto
“I really wish you wouldn’t go out dressed like that,” Inga Muscio’s mother proclaimed to her sister as she was leaving for a party. This comment was not like a regular mother-looking-out-for-her-daughter comment. Instead, this was a plea for Muscio’s sister to be aware of what she was getting herself into by choosing that particular ensemble. This plea was stated moments before their mother confessed she had been raped as a child, implying that her daughter’s clothing was an open invitation for any man to “admire” her physical assets. How many times have our own mothers said this to us? More importantly, how often will we say this to our children as they grow up in a time that pressures young women to dress in scant clothing and impress and attract the opposite gender solely with their bodies? If we are going to change stereotypes and stop discrimination, it needs to happen now. This womanifesto is a call to action against the stereotypes that pervade our lives through a force we cannot stop- the media. It is time for women to stand together, fight to keep what those before us have accomplished, and move forward so those after us have a chance of escaping patriarchy.
Declaration #1: Women can do anything we want.
As much as men do not want to believe it, I have capabilities that lie deeper than my vagina. I am strong, powerful, intelligent, and clever. I have beauty which lies more than skin deep, and I welcome challenges with open arms. I own a capacity to intellectually analyze a situation and come up with a solution, and right now, women are in a situation with two options: 1) be who we are; flaws included and authenticity welcomed, or 2) continue to let patriarchy dominate our society. We can roll over and let the world be dominated by men, or we can continue to educate ourselves, work for equal rights, and fulfill the “nightmare” of matriarchy men have been dreading for centuries.
My personal solution to this situation is this: I will no longer be treated like an old tool sitting in the shed that is only there when you need it. Sitting, waiting, wishing to be paid attention to. Hoping that one day I will be good enough. Hoping that one day I will be perfect.
I am not perfect and I will never be, because the fantasy that is desired by most men is unattainable and ultimately, unattractive. Flawless? Bullshit. It’s not going to happen, especially not with me. “My favorite girls are women that are not afraid to cry and laugh and eat some food that’s high in fat. Can change your oil, fix your flat. Can say some prayers and blaze a path. And I’ll just say on their behalf there’s no such thing as girls like that.” There is no such thing as a woman who sits at the dining room table sipping coffee in her bra and thong in the morning, (Kane). Women who wash their cars in string bikini’s and bathing suits don’t appear out of thin air on the first nice day of summer. Instead, many of us are cooking supper after we have gotten home from an eight-hour workday before we have to take the kids to soccer practice and piano lessons. We resemble superwoman more than a playboy centerfold. Women are superheroes, and women can do anything they want- cunt included.
I can do anything because I am a Bitch, and, “A Bitch occupies a lot of psychological space” (Freeman). That psychological space is my own. It is a world no one else can enter. It belongs to me and me only, and I intend to keep it that way. I am not afraid to let others hear what is in there when I think they need to hear it, but I am not going to express my ideas just for men to turn them down because of my gender. I am not going to let men steal my thoughts and present them as their own, just because men’s ideas are more accepted in our society. I am not ashamed of who I am or what I think because I have no reason to be, and I will let others hear my voice. It is authentic and raw, and it is my own.
Declaration #2: Authenticity is key.
Authenticity is something that is often lost in our society today, but women have managed to keep their authenticity throughout history. There is a difference between being authentic and being socially defined. According to societal “norms,” women are supposed to be stuck in the kitchen, taking care of the children, wearing high heels and makeup, and doing whatever it takes to please the men in our lives. Authentically, women are strong-willed, driven creatures that lactate, menstruate, pleasure themselves, and don’t really enjoy shaving their legs, (or any other place on their body for that matter). Lea Lane said it best when she wrote, “I’m alone because I don’t want a bikini wax.” When women refuse to be what men think they should be, it becomes an issue. Whenever we deviate from what men expect us to do, women are considered tomboys (depending on their age at the time), butch, or dykes. Once women decided to make the point we are more than our reproductive systems and can do more than make a great turkey pot pie, men became scared, and they have stayed scared as we have continued to make progress in every aspect of life.
A lot of men do not understand women, what we want, or how we operate, and that frustrates them. We are not the creatures men envision us to be most of the time. I am not driven by sex, but when I consent to it, I want to enjoy it. When I say no I mean no. But when I say yes, I also mean yes. A connection, believe it or not, seems to be a bit important in the love life I have been lacking since I have adopted this new attitude. I used to obsess over looking like the images of tan, trim, and toned women in magazines. I wanted to look like the woman I thought every man desired. But now, I really don’t care. I don’t care at all. I am no longer going to ask the question, do you desire me? It is not you I am worried about pleasing. You have to get past my conscious first, and you have to prove to me you are good enough, because I am the one setting the standards now. And so are my sisters. Because people like me are Bitches, but, “Bitch is Beautiful and we have nothing to lose. Nothing whatsoever” (Freeman). That is why this movement is important. That is why women need to recognize that we do not have to settle for less than what we deserve.
Declaration #3: The media needs to change.
How long will men be able to get away with “boys being boys?” The images the media are portraying are uneducated, unmotivated, and ultimately dopey males that are somehow still able to snag the educated, beautiful women of the world. Movies such as Superbad, Knocked Up, Role Models, etc. have been modeling “typical male” behavior and what is expected of them in society, or as Tony Dokoupil likes to refer to it, “Guyland.” It is not okay to live at home until you are 30 years old and it is not okay to not become educated. Males are rejecting the responsibilities they should be taking on when entering “manhood,” and it is because the media is sending the message that such behavior is not abnormal. “In 1960, almost 70 percent of men had reached [traditional] milestones by the age of 30. Today, less than a third of males that age can say the same” (Dokoupil). We used to idolize scientists, poets, artists, and writers- men of intelligence and thought. Now, our culture has shifted to idolizing athletes and hip-hop artists who model the use of steroids and violence. Granted, these are not the only things these people portray, but they are appreciated for their physical characteristics more than their authenticity. Barack Obama is authentic. Bill Gates is authentic. Why aren’t more young men attempting to follow in the footsteps of distinguished, educated leaders such as these men? It is because that road is not the fun road. It is hard. It is grueling. You have to stay focused, and many men do not want to do that. “They “see grown-up life as such a loss” (Dokoupil). That is why women are graduating college at higher rates than men and entering and dominating the work force faster than ever.
As for the men pursuing careers, they do not understand it is getting harder for them to successfully receive the jobs to which they believe they are entitled. The men who are in college now are going to have a more difficult time entering the field they desire, not only because more women are becoming involved in careers outside the household, but also because more companies are becoming aware of diversity and its importance in the workplace. I hope men look at this as a challenge, and stop retreating from the responsibilities they are refusing to accept. It is always someone else’s fault, because accepting responsibility for our actions means we have made mistakes.
Men are afraid women are going to take over the positions they have been holding since the beginning of time, and they should be. It is not uncommon for a woman to be successful, and ultimately, women have nothing to lose. We have always been considered less than men, even men of color, and have had to fight hard to gain our rights. Now that we have made so much progress, we are not going to back down or let up.
My Solution:
When I have my first serious interview, I might not wear my wedding ring, and I will dress in a skirt-suit so the male interviewers don’t think I am a big bad “F” word (feminist). But, when there is a female I believe will enhance life for all, making every person equal and appreciated for more than just their gender, I will vote for her. When a female calls a play-by-play for an NBA game, I will tune in to ESPN to do my part to keep the ratings up. When there is a concert in town where a female artist is performing for the first time and I want to go to it instead of the same old sausage-fest bar I have been dragged to Saturday after Saturday, I will choose the concert. And do a little bit of extra screaming, because her lyrics are probably more powerful and meaningful than those I have heard from Akon or Asher Roth on the radio lately.
When any Billy Jean King beats a Bobby Riggs, it is time for women to celebrate. For her it took three sets. For us, it has taken three decades, but it has been done. And we are going to keep doing it until we have reached the point of full equality.
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